"talking"

Can we all just take a moment to reflect on "talking"? No, I don't mean the generic definition of the word. I mean the weird, awkwardly long phase between friendship and dating. You know how your parents tell you about all the people they used to date while subtly wondering why you aren't as cool as they were? Just me? Ok. Anyways, it JUST dawned on me that all the "dating" they used to do was actually what we call talking. So in the old days, I would've been just like the average dater! Obviously! *weeps silently*

So what exactly constitutes talking? I took it upon myself to delve into several deep and complex ways the opposite sexes interact with each other in this almost-dating-but-not-really stage and the pros and cons of each.

1. Texting. Obviously. Talking couldn't exist without texting because, let's face it: the spark simply could not exist without a kissy face emoji.

Pros: No face-to-face to interaction! You have time to think over what you want to say and make your life not seem as pathetic so you don't blow it like you obviously would in real life. 

What I would say if I were being completely honest:
Him: "hey what's up"
Me: "um nothing nothing at all just laying in bed watching netflix eating nutella from a spoon and trying to trap my dog in my room so she won't run away from me, HBU??"

What I actually say:
Him: "hey what's up"
Me: "nothing, you?"

Cons: There are few things that infuriate more than the texter who texts me "hey" every morning at 8 o' clock right before his shift at his dad's office. HELLO, girls like spontaneity, not routine. As hard as it is not to talk to me all day every day, it must be done. I can only bestow my wisdom in small doses because it will overwhelm you.

2. Facebook. How much more romantic can you get?

Pros: Creeping. This is my specialty. I know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but come on. Before my freshman year in college, I stalked some profiles to find a roommate and decided that the nice girl with 100 cats in her profile picture probably wouldn't be the best fit. Likewise, you can do the same with that boy who poked you yesterday.

Cons: Creeping. He can find every hideous selfie you've ever posted and every sappy quote you posted that related to your current situation. I still do both of those things, but that's beside the point.

3. Snapchat. No, this is not a joke. Did you know you can have a full length conversation via Snapchat? Neither did I til I did it.

Pros: Your true self cannot hide on Snapchat. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Emphasis on the ugly. There's no room for surprise!

Cons: Your true self cannot hide on Snapchat.

Here's the bottom line: 

Boys, just skip the talking phase and ask her out on a date. Girls, don't treat dates like they're some huge event that will eventually lead to a YouTube worthy proposal.

Bless you all.

-H