i don't know how to be a girl.

I recently realized that there are certain qualities that girls are known for that I just… don’t have.  Despite the numerous examples I could give,  I’ll narrow down the list to two things.

1)      Being mysterious.  Some girls just have it all figured out.  They are beautiful.  They float around all day, doe-eyed and petite and lovely and demure.  They have a high, airy voice and an adorable giggle.  None of those things describe me.  I literally have no idea how to be demure or mysterious, and being 6 feet tall rules out petite pretty quickly.  I am way too honest for the whole mysterious thing, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.  I used to think being mysterious was a bad thing; it was one of those games that high-schoolers play when they don’t want to let the person that they like know that they like them.  Lately, I’m realizing it’s probably a pretty attractive quality that I somehow never picked up along the way.  I want to be one of those girls that says just enough to be funny or interesting, but is quiet enough to not be obnoxious and have an air of mystery.  I wonder if those girls try to be like that, or they just are.  I would definitely be trying, and it’s just not worth the effort for me.  Also, if I wanted to be mysterious, I probably shouldn’t have started writing a blog.

2)      Holding grudges.  Girls have been forever known as the stubborn, grudge-holding sex.  Again, guess I missed out on that one.  For example, I am still friends with all of my exes- even the ones that hurt me a lot, so according to girl-rules I should forget their existence and burn their things and ignore them for eternity.  I do realize that this is a rule, so in the moment, I always say something dramatic like “I never want to talk to you again!”  But it never fails that within a few weeks (or even days), there I am, talking to them.  Yeah, sometimes people have hurt me, guys and girls.  But you know what?  It hurts me way more to be all awkward after the fact.  Or to cut someone out completely that you used to share every day with, and now you have to pretend that you’re strangers.  Nothing bothers me more than broken relationships.   I don’t think we’re wired to be emotionally connected to people and then have that connection severed suddenly.  Maybe I need to have more female-pride, but honestly I’m kinda happy with the fact that I don’t.  I’m just never gonna be one of those girls who glares at certain people who are on their list of enemies.  I don’t actually physically know how to glare at people without looking ridiculous.  Although this could be because I have permanent b-word face**, so glaring actually is just my default setting, and doing anything more than that just seems weird.

      **This is a serious problem affecting many girls, knowing and unknowing.  If you are unsure whether or not you suffer from chronic b-word face, a symptom is people constantly asking you "Are you okay?" or "What's wrong?" or "Are you angry about something?" whenever you are doing a mundane activity such as chewing a bite of food or watching TV.

In closing, I have a couple questions that I would love y’all to leave some answers to in the comments if you feel so led.  Boys- is being mysterious a good thing?  Should those of us who aren't start practicing?  Girls who are mysterious- how do you do it?!  

-S