1)
Boys are short. I am not.**
2)
I don’t look “cute” in heels. I look gargantuan. See Figure 1.
3)
I have to slouch in pictures so my head is in
the same layer of the atmosphere as the other people in the picture, resulting
in the appearance of having severe scoliosis.
4)
People in random public places seem to think
that the fact that I have the distinguishing characteristic of being very tall while
simultaneously being a girl is an invitation to talk to me about this
distinguishing characteristic.
Ex) While walking through the Disney store in
NYC, a man with a thick New Yahk accent approaches me. Guy who doesn’t understand the appropriate
level of contact you should have with strangers (i.e. none): “Hey, are you from
America?” Me: “Um…yes.” Guy: “Oh, you’re
just so tall, I thought you must be from Scandinavia or somethin’. You’re like an Amazonian woman.” Me: “Um…cool.” Guy walks away. Guy comes back
15 seconds later. Guy: “Hey, I have to
ask, do you play basketball?” Me: “Um…no.” Guy: “Oh, cause you’re just so tall
I thought you must play basketball. Ok
nevermind.” (Side note…if I did play
basketball, why on earth would it be that essential for him to know? Like whether or not I play basketball was so
important that he had to come BACK and ask me that. Anyways.)
5)
I have to special order jeans online that have a
36” inseam. Otherwise I’m a pro at rocking
the “ankle jean” look… for others it is a trend, for me it is a way of life.
6)
When dancing, sometimes I think I look really cool
and seductive. However, upon viewing a
few videos/pictures that include me dancing, I realize that as a result of my
awkwardly long limbs, I look somewhat like an ostrich. An ostrich that probably has no friends. See Figure 2.
Anyways, these are just a few of my woes. So anytime you short girls think “Man, I wish
I was taller…”, give it a second thought.
And please, for the love of everything holy, stop dating the boys that
are over 6’ tall if you are not.
**If anyone happens to be friends with any single NBA players,
do a girl a solid and hook me up. I have recently realized this is my only
chance of ever finding love.
-S
Figure 1.
Figure 2.
The basketball thing is asexual. The amount of random people that approach me (6'4") and ask is astronomically high. I proceed to tell them I'm a golfer and they always seem sad.....
ReplyDeleteGirl i feel you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad we struggle together.
DeleteC'mon. That picture of you dancing is fine. Look how awkward the person in the back is too. You could take a picture of Beyonce at the wrong time and she'd look like she's having a stroke.
ReplyDelete